Wives and Submission to their husband
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We’ve talked a lot about the subject of biblical submission within marriage recently, and one reason this topic is so important for all of us to understand is that it is the root of a great deal of the conflicts that couples deal with on a regular basis. Each couple is made up of two very different individuals, who make up a unique coupling, and every situation brings its own circumstances and nuances.
But one thing that remains the same in each situation is the biblical truth that when a husband leads his family correctly, his wife tends to follow his leadership and example.
Usually when I am asked for marital advice or counsel concerning biblical submission by a husband or a wife it is usually because something is not going quite right. If a husband can’t understand why his marriage has so much incompatibility and stress, or a wife does not want to submit to something her husband has decided, it is typically because something is breaking down in the marriage.
And more often than not, the cause is rooted in leadership.
A Husband’s Leading
When men make decisions for their family without first discussing with their wife, it leads to trouble. Or when a man makes decisions despite their wife’s objections, wants, and/or needs, the marriage will be strained. This is because to do so negates the role of a husband to put his wife’s needs and wants before his own.
Obviously, in situations where a husband might think that for the good of his family’s spiritual life, he must insist on something even if his wife is not in agreement. Such situations are rarer than we might want to admit. Sometimes we as men put our foot down because we convince ourselves that we are making spiritual choices that are right for our family, only later to realize our decision was self-serving and was born out of our personal wants instead of true love and care for our family.
Patience
When a couple is in disagreement on an issue, time and prayer can be the instrument that changes a person’s mind. It can be difficult to follow someone that you think is wrong, but time and patience can open the doors of communication and can begin to help your spouse see things from your perspective. Remember, the Lord may be working on you as well.
Respect
Often times in relationships it can be easy to make the other person feel like their opinion or point of view is less than yours. We can often judge a person’s motives and feel the other person is doing things to be self-serving or selfish. Even in these situations, it is important for both husbands and wives to make sure your spouse knows that even though you may disagree, you love and respect the other person. With that said, wives need to allow husbands to lead their families in spiritual matters.
I once heard from a woman that felt her husband was asking her to do something she felt was a sin. She told her husband that although she was not going to do as he had asked, she wanted to respect him and she still loved him.
This is an important point. Even when a man is wrong, it is important that he feels like his wife still supports him even if she doesn’t support a specific action or decision.
When to Protest
I once heard Doug Wilson give his definition of masculinity. He said, “Masculinity is the glad assumption of sacrificial responsibility.” I take this to mean that a man is not only responsible to sacrifice himself when needed, but that the responsibility for actions and decisions falls on the man. A biblical reminder of this is the fact that Adam was the one responsible for eating the fruit, just as husbands today bear the spiritual responsibility for the decisions they make for their families.
If a husband is intent on a specific course of action that does not violate Scripture or harm the family, a wife should try to submit to these decisions. If a husband is attempting to lead you into blatant sin, then a wife should respectfully protest and not follow her husband in such a way. With that said, every situation is unique, and asking for counsel from your pastor, elders, or a believing marriage counselor can always be a good option.
Final Note
If you are in a physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually abusive situation, you need to separate yourself from your spouse immediately. Counseling and attempting to fix a relationship should only begin when both parties are physically safe. If you are in an abusive relationship, please seek outside counseling to help keep you and your spouse safe.
Photo by Bruno Aguirre
