The Role of a Husband
(Read the first post in this series by Clicking Here)
When we discuss the biblical structure for Church and family, an increasingly frequent detour from the roles assigned to men and women quickly becomes a debate over whether it is appropriate for women to serve as elders. This is by far one of the most controversial topics we encounter but it is not the right place to start. Rather, we should first discuss the biblical role assigned to men and their roles as husbands, fathers and spiritual leaders within the home.
As sinners, we know that every person falls short of living according to God’s standard (Rom. 3:23). Unfortunately, this can look different for each of us. Some men are overly heavy-handed when it comes to family discipline and can be overpowering towards their spouses, and lead their families more as rulers than as servants. On the other end of the spectrum, some men may find it more comfortable to submit to the authority of their wives, and rely on them to do their job for them. Both are dysfunctional, and both can quickly become sinful in the absence of a correcting community or eldership.
In our modern churches, these two amplified examples are representative of an ongoing debate between those who hold to either an equality-led egalitarian perspective versus the complementarian position of traditional biblical roles held between men and women which states that while men and women are created with equal value, we are assigned different roles based on our gender.
Arguments from Both Sides
A frequent argument that egalitarian-leaning Christians make is the accusation that men who hold to a position of complementarianism do so for the power and control it gives them over the family. A complementarian might counter with the fact that by not leading their family the way men are commanded to, they are bowing to social pressures and letting modern culture lead their families, rather than the Bible, and subsequently relinquishing their duties for someone else (typically their wife) to undertake.
The fact is, there is truth in both accusations.
Complementarianism
The Bible clearly states that Christian women should submit to their husbands. This can be seen in 1Cor. 11:3, 1Peter 3:1-2, Col. 3:18 Eph. 5:22-24. But what does that mean? For some men, this might be the end of the discussion for the authority structure within the family. Women should submit to their husbands in everything, full stop. But this is not where the story ends. Even if a woman is living a godly life, in biblical submission to her husband’s leadership, he still has a role to play that without him, the family structure collapses.
In every single verse commanding a woman’s submission to her husband, husbands are also charged with a crucially important, servant-leader role under Christ:
But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ (1 Corinthians 11.3 ESV)
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. (1 Peter 3.7 ESV)
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church… However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:25-29, 33)
Women Should Submit but What About Men?
If we take each one of the passages listed above we can note that each passage exhorts a woman to submit to her husband, but we can also note that men are commanded to:
- Understand and live with Christ as the head of our lives submitting to His authority and leadership.
- Be understanding and honor our wife, understanding, and knowing that she is an heir to the grace that we have seen in Christ.
- Love our wife as Christ loved the Church.
- Give ourself to our wife.
- Love our wife as our own body.
- Love our wife as we love ourself.
When a man is fulfilling his role correctly as the spiritual leader of his household, he mirrors the role that Christ shows us in His relationship with the church. Husbands are to model Jesus and His perfect and selfless submission to the Father and His eternal love towards the church. The family unit cannot operate correctly if the head of the household is not walking with Christ and living unto Him. Whether he is abusing or avoiding his roles as God has commanded them, his performance will be evident by the fruit of the family’s spiritual walk.
We should not push against God’s structures because society says there is something wrong with them. As believers in Christ we should affirm that wives should submit to their husbands, and remember that men submit too, to Christ and His Lordship over us and our families.
Photo by Ben White
