The Family Order

Many people believe that since I am in ministry full time, I have figured out the magic formula to running a Christian home. Yet, this has been a struggle since Lacacia and I got married. Family devotions have been sporadic at best and much of the family prayer time is done at night before we go to bed with the common, “thank you for this day…” and “help us to glorify You in our day tomorrow…” kind of stuff.

Leading a family spiritually is a very difficult thing, and I felt like I was dropping the ball. Here I am telling other people to live spiritual lives while I struggle to do just that. The reason my last post was on personal devotions is that I believe this is where leading your family begins. Recently I read several books, one on the spiritual disciplines and several by Catholic monks. I am not going to say that I agree with their practice and we are pretty far apart on theology, but these works helped me realize something very important. Instituting a rhythm in your life is something that can revolutionize your family’s spiritual journey.

Let me first tell you that the recent changes in our family routine are still being refined. With that said, I have seen some amazing changes because of what I have started calling our “Family Order.” It is the order of day-to-day living that we know will be the same.

Perhaps one of the more difficult things that I was facing was attempting to lead four children that are all at different levels. Ben is 9, Calie is 6, Levi is 2, and Solamae is almost 6 months. If I attempt to reach Levi at his level, Ben will not grow, but if I attempt to teach the kids at Ben’s level, he is the only one who will learn.

The Mourning

I started by making Ben wake up at 7:00 am. By this time I have done my personal devotions and have had time to check my email and get some basic things done for work.

We start with a single liturgical passage (usually the Lord’s Prayer or the Shema, i.e. Deut. 6:4ff).
I will start our time with prayer and then we will open our Bibles and read a chapter. Currently, we are learning about Covenants so I have focused on passages that deal with this. But even this is changing. Yesterday, Ben asked to learn about prayer, so I opened my prayer app (YouVersion) and found a seven-day plan focused on prayer.
After our Bible reading, we will spend five minutes in silence. We have talked a lot about what to think about and how to fill our time focused on the passages we have just read. This has been hard for Ben, but there is something about it (perhaps the challenge) that he likes. For me, it is a time when Ben is not being bombarded with music, screens, siblings, or anything else. It is a time to unplug and focus on God.
From the moment Ben is woken up to the end of our silence, we spend about 30 min. This includes him getting dressed, brushing his teeth, etc.
After this, we move to the office where Ben’s homeschool starts. He has one hour to summarize the passage we read or the theme we are currently going through. It doesn’t matter if he finishes, the point is to help him learn to ask good questions about a text, summarize a passage of Scripture, use a keyboard, and start using other sources to help him study.

I am not recommending this routine for everyone with a 9-year-old. What should be highlighted here is not the actual routine but the fact that it is a routine. I want Ben to know how to do personal devotions so that when he is older he will feel like they are important even if I’m not around. I want them to become a staple of his life.

Dinner Routine

Ben is doing well, but what about the other kids? This one was much harder to implement because we often have things to do right after dinner. I knew the time had to be short so I shoot for 15 minutes.

We all sit down (even Ben) and read One Big Story: Bible Storybook. It took us several years to find this book, and we love it! At the end of every story (which is only a page each), they have the “Christ Connection” where they show how this Bible story relates to or points to Christ. Then they have “The Big Picture Question” which asks a pretty general question about the story. We read a page a night and I always ask several questions which Ben desperately wants to answer, but I give Calie the first shot at all of them.
We then recite a single liturgical passage of Scripture (usually whatever Ben and I didn’t say that morning, the Lord’s Prayer, or the Shema).
Then we go through a couple of questions and answers in our catechism. We are currently using the New City Catechism, but I have gone back and forth on which one I want to use.
Finally, we have a time of prayer.

The Little

Levi isn’t old enough to participate, but I try to get him to sit in the same general area during our nightly routine. Another thing I try to do is pray with Levi before bed. I do this with him individually and I will ask him some very basic questions. “Levi, who made you?” He will always say, “God made me.” Then I will say, “Levi, who loves you?” This is where he will say something different every time, sometimes “mom loves me” or “grandma loves me” or “God loves me.” No matter what he says he thinks it’s funny and we will move on.

It’s these little questions that he likes but they also serve a function. They are like the catechism that will cement in his mind and will become part of his thinking.

We’re Not the Only Ones

About two weeks ago, Lacacia said she wanted to buy a book called Habits of the Household. I bought us each a copy so we could read it at the same time. The author is easy to read and it was nice to hear stories of a family with four kids that seem to be having some of the same hectic life experiences as us. The book is great and I would certainly recommend it. The author, Justin Whitmel, is implementing some of the same kinds of things we are but on a little bit smaller scale. It would be a great introduction for anyone who wants very small and simple things to do throughout the day.

Whitmel makes a great case that our lives are shaped by habits. These habits that we perform every day become who we are and will shape our lives in total. This is exactly why leading a home spiritually starts with the parents. We have to make our routines centered on God so that we can grow and lead our families. But the day-to-day routines of our house are so important because they will shape our children and help them to grow with a solid foundation.

Conclusion

Routines can be very small. It can be a single prayer that is sung before a meal, a game that is played before bed, a set time for devotions, the list could go on. The amount of time is not what necessarily matters. What matters is that these routines draw us close to God and set our children up to draw close to Him. We want to give our children this foundation so that when they are adults they can go back to what they know which is a routine that points them to Christ.

I hope that this post will encourage you to start making or expanding your own Family Order. Start small, make it fun, but always remember that it should point to Christ.

Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko