Husbands: Love Your Wife as Christ Loved the Church

(Read the last post in this series by Clicking Here) 

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Ephesians 5.25 ESV 

When a husband thinks about his wife’s role, particularly her charge to submit as his wife, few men preface this with the fact that they are supposed to be willing to die for her. Beyond this, what does it mean to “give” yourself for another person? In the case of our Lord, it meant giving His life on this earth for the elect. It meant taking on punishment and shame that was not deserved.  

In addition to the willingness a man must have to die for his wife, we also must be ready to sacrifice for our wife. This might mean prioritizing her needs, wants, and her well-being, above our own. A key factor in giving ourselves up means that our wants and needs come second.  

There have been several times when men have asked for my advice in regards to problems in their marriage. Usually something has happened, and the marriage has broken down. Sadly, by the time I have been asked for counsel, the marriage is already deeply impacted by the conflict. One of the increasingly common themes of problems in a marriage has been when a husband has wants that he believes his wife should simply accept. In putting himself first, particularly his wants first, the commandment for a husband to be selfless and to sacrifice becomes lost to selfish desires. Typically, he has not considered the fact that his wants should come second to his wife’s.  

Before we talk about the godly role of a submissive wife, we need to first look at the husband and ask if he is aware of and responsive to his wife’s needs. Is submitting to Christ the first and foremost priority in his life? Then, does a husband love his wife in a way where he is willing to place her wants and needs above his own? 

Later in the Ephesians passage we are told  

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself (Ephesians 5.33 ESV) 

When a man is doing all of these things, a godly wife will naturally want to follow their husband. She will likely submit willingly because she has a husband that has met her needs, wants, and loves her as himself. In fulfilling his role, he makes it possible for her to fulfill her role as well. When both partners are synchronized in this effort, meeting the wants and needs of the other becomes a natural part of keeping up their marriage. 

This is the standard the Lord has set for men. Even in the church it is a challenge for husbands to live up to, and it is many times neglected or simply discarded. Instead of focusing on how wives should submit, men need to focus on how God wants them to lead spiritually and how they can better submit to Christ first.  

Photo by Caleb Ekeroth