Husbands: Understand & Honor
“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” (1 Peter 3:7 ESV)
In my last post on the role of a Christian husband, I discussed how husbands must submit to Christ. This is a job that we as men must strive to perfect daily. This description of how a husband should conduct himself should be enough for men to realize that we are in constant need of our Lord’s help to be the man He has called us to be. Yet, the biblical texts continue to paint a more precise picture of what a husband should look like.
Understanding
In the above verse, men are called to live with their wives in an understanding way. This phrase should be taken in the context of the rest of the verse. Peter notes that women are the weaker vessel, certainly a reference to the physical differences in men and women. Husbands are meant to protect, encourage, help, and support their wives. Our wants and desires are put on the back burner as we are commanded to put our wives first.
Understanding our wives means taking an active interest in their wants and needs. It is our duty to attempt to better understand and know our wife on a deep intimate level in order to serve her properly.
Honor
“An excellent wife who can find? Her worth is far above jewels” (Proverbs 31:10). Modern society often paints the husband/wife relationship in a negative light. T.V. and movies often show spouses fighting and show men wanting to be with their male friends more than their wife. Terms like “ball and chain” and “old lady” are terms that degrade the God-ordained relationship of the wife.
A wife is to be honored and placed in high regard. The woman of the house should be highly esteemed and honored by her husband. He should encourage others to respect and honor her because she is a gift from God.
Honoring your wife does not simply mean saying nice things about her or telling your friends you appreciate her. Honoring your wife means genuinely respecting her and doing what it takes to show her she is the most important person in your life.
I have met many couples that have strained relationships. Men in these kinds of marriages tend to feel like their wife is asking too much or like she is constantly getting on their nerves. I have honestly never experienced this. Lacacia has been my best friend since we first started dating. We laugh together, cry together, and genuinely enjoy each other’s company. If this is not the feeling you have towards your wife, I encourage you to figure out how to change that because ultimately the Lord wants that for you, and commands that of you. Marriages aren’t maintenance-free relationships, and if you’re not growing together as husband and wife then there’s a good chance that you are growing apart. In order to be faithful to our vows, we need to actively love and cherish the spouse that God has given us.
It’s Commanded, and There are Consequences
Not only has God commanded husbands to love, understand and honor their wives, but there are extremely significant consequences if we don’t. Peter tells us that we should strive to fulfill these commands, so our prayers aren’t hindered. Ultimately, when a man fails to prioritize his wife and her needs above his own it is detrimental to his relationship with God because it results in distance from the Lord and the most intimate part of our relationship with Him is hindered. There is literally no higher consequence that could be given than this.
Some men who read this will feel blessed that they are in a wonderful relationship with the woman God has given to them. While others will think what I am talking about is outside the realm of possibility because of problems, sin and strain in their marriages. If you are the latter of these two, you need to know that a better marriage is possible because God has commanded it and will empower you to become a better husband. It starts with you. Even if you can’t see how things could get better, humble yourself and ask God for help. Remain in prayer over it, and ask others to pray for you. Remember how you felt the day you got married, or why you first fell in love with her. If need be, seek guidance from your pastors/elders or from a professional marriage counselor. You might need some help along the way, but understanding and honoring your wife begins with your actions and the way you act and respond to your wife.
Photo by Nathan Dumlao
